Thursday, July 14, 2005


How is it that you reach a point in your life when you realize that everything you have been told about everything seems so questionable? My head is still spinning. In just two years, the entire house of cards that the medical community built over the course of my lifetime has crumbled. Never in a million years could I have ever predicted this one.

To qualify for an AIDS diagnosis requires a HIV+ diagnosis plus either:

1) an AIDS-defining opportunistic infection (OI) or cancer
2) CD4s below 200.

In a nutshell, that's the definition.

So, definitionally speaking, I can not have AIDS since I do not test HIV+ (by FDA standards). How bizarre? If you asked me 3, 5, 10 years ago if such words would ever be uttered from my mouth I would have thought that you were nuts. I basically have all the characteristics of an AIDS patient. But no HIV+ diagnosis. In my early writings, you will very clearly see that I was very focused on HIV, HIV, HIV. I had been told (perhaps, brainwashed is a better word) for two decades that HIV is the (one and only) cause of AIDS. So, why wouldn't I think that I have undetectable HIV? This was the first letter I ever wrote:

Through countless hours of research and conversations with amazing scientists, researchers and advocates in the field, my thought process has definitely evolved and become more refined. But, just like I can't tell you what my undiagnosed virus is, I can honestly cannot say HIV is the cause of AIDS. Apparently, the medical establishment can not agree either, and there are vicious debates on the subject matter, but nobody seemed to mention that to me in the last 32 years of my life. (simply google "AIDS alternatives" or "AIDS dissidents")

Some days, I honestly do not know how I am still standing here to talk about it all. The summer/fall of 2003 was very, very rocky because my doctors, who I thought I hired to help me, continued to push me to the edge. But in the deepest darkest moments of my life, I decided to fight this with everything I have got. There have been many people who have stood by me through it all, but there were 3 things that kept me alive: 1) Montel Williams' book 2) an unsuspecting man (D.W.R.) and 3) Trapt's album. My friends still sing me the lyrics:

"Back off I'll take you on.
Headstrong to take on anyone.
I know that you are wrong.
Headstrong. We are Headstrong.
Back off I'll take you on.
Headstrong to take on anyone.
I know that you are wrong.
And this is not where you belong.
I can’t give everything away.
I won’t give everything away."

So, why can't HTLV cause AIDS?
Why can't HIAP2 cause AIDS?
Why can't HHV6 cause AIDS?

They all do, characteristically. Stop and think: Why does HIV get the exclusivity of causing AIDS, when clearly so many other viruses cause immune suppression as well?

Doesn't that seem wrong to anybody else, but me?

So, maybe I have HIV; Maybe I have a new/different strain that can't be detected; Maybe HIV is the cause of AIDS. Maybe I just have something that strongly resembles HIV, but isn't. Maybe I don't have HIV. Maybe Duesberg is right in that HIV isn't the cause of AIDS; Maybe NON-HIV-AIDS patients (like me) default to HIV, HIV, HIV because we have been brainwashed to think that HIV is the only cause of AIDS. Maybe I am living proof that CFS/CFIDS and AIDS are the same epidemic (caused by a non-HIV pathogen). Maybe, maybe, maybe...

A dear friend of mine recently proposed that AIDS needs to be redefined: "The AIDS definition needs to include any cancer or life-threatening opportunistic infection (OI) brought on by a virus. This includes HTLV-1 induced leukemia/lymphoma, HPV-16/18 induced cervical and anal cancer, rare HIAP-2 conditions, etc. All of these viruses directly and indirectly impair our cells' ability to defend our immune systems." I definitely agree. A quote is a quote, but provided EBV, HHV6 , HHV6(a) & HHV6(b) result in cancer/OIs they belong on the list as well. I do not discriminate, so I am adding them on. There are probably countless others.

So, let's redefine AIDS (using me as an example):

I have a viral syndrome of unknown etiology.
I have an acquired immune deficiency syndrome.
I have AIDS-like opportunistic infections.
I have AIDS.

Thank you for your prayers. There are still so many days that I know I am being carried by A Higher Power. My faith is in God who chose me to be his messenger. I am living proof that one person can change the world. I am humbled and blessed to be given the opportunity to show the world what I have the ability to accomplish.